Jealous!

Sooo jealous!

Of everything that is going on around me. The phrase they use in Tamil when someone's jealous is something like "vair eriyuda" meaning "is your stomach burning (with jealousy)". My stomach IS burning..with jealousy! Right now I hate everyone I'm jealous of... Starting from D, to R, and H and even that Ambani guy! Did you see that house he has built? How can anyone be not jealous? It's awesome...! Modern yet homey and it has everything..... EVERYTHING!

That's not the point. I'm stuck in a place right now. Almost literally stuck. Can't move anywhere from where I am, both literally and figuratively ((ha ha...Ted Mosby!!)) And hence all the jealousy.

I'm not very ambitious. I was never ambitious. Life always passed by me and still I had a pretty great life, so to speak. I'm almost always calm. Moroses are calm too. So that calm. I don't have very severe emotions so I never craved for anything. I'm dreamy and I love dreaming like all the time. 

But NOW, as this realisation just hit me that I'm getting older by day, I want to be all those things that once appealed to me, however lightly! 

I want a home of my own.

I want a big, biiig library in that house, which has huge collection of books.

I want a huge collection of books. NOW!

I want a lot of people around me whenever I want.

I want them to go away whenever I want.

I want to drive. Carefully. 

I want a car that NEVER hits anything except the road.

I want to a job that is interesting, has a good boss, NOT tiresome, and pays good. Maybe in five digits. p.m :)

I want that job to let me go onsite whenever I want; It should be okay with me if I don't want to go too.

....

Whenever I'm making a list like this, I have more "I want"s target at my job. Why are jobs so damn important? Why can't do things that make us happy, that are good for us? Why can't we not be so cynical all the time? So cynical that we judge people by their jobs! Why can't we just let others be? .......................Urgh! Hhere starts my "why" list but the biggest question on my head is this...WHY AM I THE ONE WHO IS JEALOUS RIGHT NOW? If anything you should be jealous of me! Aaaaaaaaargh!

I feel like someone punched me in my stomach!

I only wish that I should be okay in a while. Okay being back to normal. Okay being ignorant of everything else in the world, and being only aware of me and my dreamy state. 

Because even if all my silly wishes are granted right now, I don't think I can handle it. I don't think I'd want them even!

Anyway, hoping I'll feel better. Going to start some movie I think.