I love sketches. Charcoal, black ink especially. And I love people who can do that. There is this friend from past. She has put some of her drawings online. They are good. I mean really good - not just pretty, but professional good!

We were classmates. She once brought some painting to school. She has sent that to some competition and it got first prize or something. It was nice. But at that time, people were a little jealous of that and started a new rumorof  sorts that she is too vain and stuff. You know how school kids can be! But back then I was too timid to tell the others that it isn't vanity and that the painting was actually good.

I remembered all that today. Now this girl is way past making people just jealous. They will HAVE to admire her. I already said they - the sketches -are professional-looking didn't I? We normally feel jealous when the thing we are jealous of is within the achievable range. When we know for sure that the something is beyond our capacity that's when we truly start and admire it.

Anyway, after seeing those sketches I'm slightly proud of me that I did not completely succumb to some stupid school gang. 

And kudos to that friend of mine!

Regrets

I need a proper closure!

If you think you are in a relationship that isn't working at all,then you HAVE to be the one to break up! I know it sounds cruel, heartless and a really bad thing, but it has its rewards. Even if you didn't get to do that, please try and stay in touch with that person you're breaking up with at least for sometime. So you can curse him/her all you want, or do something really nasty like breaking their stuff, or just cry your heart out unil you've had the closure! It IS a big deal. They (the lucky b******s who never had to deal with this kind of a thing) say that you can be mature and just 'let go' or 'stay positive' or 'try and forget'. But that is just impossible. Ok not impossible but really, really difficult to implement in real life.

When you are not the one to break up, the only upside as I see it is that you don't get to be the 'bad guy'. Yes, it is the ONLY good thing about. Because in this case you will get to bear the greater share of the pain and hurt. And then there is this ego dynamic: he/she has decided that 'I' am not good enough!! When you tell this thing to friends, family and others, (you will again have to take the greater part in this, surprisingly) you have to go through every tiny detail of the scene; the questions keep coming until you indecently lose your temper and do something stupid. The other person - the one who initiated the break up - will not have to face this somehow. I think people are a little scared of a person who's brave enough to do something like that. You can practicaly hear their thoughts "Oh how can you do that! I should go talk to him/her and ask what the REAL story is!" And they do. This when you - the one who was on the receiving end of the break up - will be facing the volley of questions from the "concerned ones". It's not like you can say something about it, I mean they do behave as if they are "concerned"!!

Anyway this is all off-topic.

Closure was the topic.

What I want to say is, when you're the breakup-er you already have your reasons and everything so your closure is achieved the minute you breakup. When you're the breakup-ee, you normally don't have a reason to not be with the other person. And if you are a sloppy romantic or have an inflated ego, you will probably spend the rest of your life trying to figure out why it hadn't worked.

Why I need a closure? I'm already tired I'll tell it some other time.

Later.